BeThatHealingGirl Podcast

What "If He Wanted To He Would" Is Actually Doing To Your Relationship

“If he wanted to he would” doesn’t create clarity it creates pressure, testing, and a constant feeling of “am I being chosen enough?”
And that’s where the spiral starts.
In this episode, we break down:
💭 Why “if he wanted to he would” fuels overthinking and relationship anxiety
🧠 How this mindset turns you into a silent tester instead of a communicator
🔥 The subtle ways it makes you pull back, overanalyze, or keep score
🪞 Why it feels empowering… but actually disconnects you from your partner
❤️ What secure love actually looks like instead (hint: it’s not mind reading)
Real talk moment:
This belief creates a relationship where:
you don’t ask for what you want
you expect them to “just know”
and you quietly decide what things mean about how much they care
And then you end up feeling disappointed…
even when nothing is technically wrong.
Because you’re measuring love based on unspoken rules.
This episode is for you if:
✨ You keep thinking “if they cared, they would just do it”
✨ You struggle to ask for what you want without feeling needy
✨ You find yourself testing instead of communicating
✨ You overanalyze effort, timing, or small actions
✨ You want to feel secure… but keep spiraling instead
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session

Are You Testing Your Partner Without Realizing It?

Have you ever pulled back just to see if they notice? Waited to text… to see if they text first? Stayed quiet about what you wanted… just to see if they remembered?
Yeah. That counts as testing.
And if you’re doing this (even subtly) it might be the exact reason your relationship feels exhausting, unstable, or emotionally unsafe… even when your partner is actually showing up for you.
In this episode, we’re unpacking one of the most common anxious attachment patterns: testing your partner to prove they care.
Because here’s the hard truth:
They can’t pass a test they don’t know they’re taking.
And the more you test…
the less safe the relationship actually feels - for both of you.
In this episode, we talk about:
💭 Why pulling back to “see what they do” creates distance instead of closeness
🧠 The anxious attachment pattern behind relationship testing
🔥 Why testing your partner is actually a form of control — not connection
🪞 The hidden reason testing feels necessary (even when your partner is good)
❤️ Why engineered love never feels as safe as natural love
🌱 How to shift from testing → trusting in your relationship
And yes, we talk about the very real moment where you don’t say what you want…
just to see if they remember.
(Hi, Costco sushi test. Been there 😅)
Because constantly watching, analyzing, and waiting to see what they do… is emotionally exhausting.
And honestly? No one wants to feel like they’re in a relationship performance review.
This episode is for you if:
✨ You pull back to see if they’ll chase you
✨ You test to see if they remember what you want
✨ You feel anxious unless they prove they care
✨ You feel like you’re doing all the emotional work
✨ You struggle to trust even when they show up
Because secure relationships don’t grow through testing.
They grow through communication.
And through trusting that love can show up naturally...without being forced.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session

What I Changed To Stop Chasing Constant Reassurance

We're talking about the loop today. The one where you keep checking: "Are we good?" "Do you still like me?" "Is everything okay?" And even when they reassure you… it doesn’t stick.
In this episode, we talk about:
💭 Why reassurance feels good… but never lasts
🧠 The sneaky way reassurance becomes emotionally addictive
🔥 How constantly checking breaks trust with yourself
🪞 Why asking “Are we okay?” actually creates more pressure
❤️ The difference between performing healing vs practicing healing 🌱 The one thing I changed that helped me stop chasing reassurance
And yes, we talk about that very real anxious girl moment where: You know you're strong. You know you're capable. You know you're successful. But inside? You're spiraling over a vibe shift and analyzing tone like it's your full-time job. 
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session

How to stop getting anxiously triggered in your safe relationship

You know they’re a good partner.
They text back.
They show up.
They follow through.
 
And yet…
you’re still spiraling. 😅
 
You’re analyzing tone.
Second-guessing everything.
White-knuckling your way through a relationship that is actually safe.
 
And if you’ve ever thought:
“Why can’t I just relax when nothing is technically wrong?”
 
This episode is for you!
 
Because here’s the hard truth: sometimes the very thing you’re doing to not mess it up… is the thing quietly creating pressure in the relationship.
Yep. We’re going there.
In this episode, we talk about:
💭 Why you still feel anxious (even when your partner is consistent and safe)
🧠 The sneaky habit that actually makes anxious triggers worse
🔥 Why telling yourself “don’t worry” makes the spiral stronger
🪞 How trying to be the cool, chill girlfriend creates more tension (relatable, I know 😅)
❤️ Why you can’t think your way into feeling secure
🌱 How letting go of perfection opens the door to real connection
 
And yes — we talk about the classic anxious girl move:
trying SO hard to get it right… that you accidentally make it weird.
Been there. Done that. Bought the emotional support iced coffee.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session

3 Things I Did to Face My Biggest Relationship Trigger (That Most People Skip)

3 Things I Did to Face My Biggest Relationship Anxiety Triggers (That Most People Skip)
If you’ve ever felt terrified that they might leave…
If a delayed text ruins your whole day…
If you logically know it’s not that big of a deal, but emotionally you feel completely hijacked…
This episode is for you. 🫶
Because here’s the truth, being aware of your triggers doesn’t mean you know how to face them.
In this episode, I’m sharing something deeply personal, the three things I did to face one of my biggest attachment triggers: reconnecting with my dad after 11 years of no contact. And what I learned in that experience completely changed the way I understand anxious attachment and emotional healing.
This isn’t just theory.
This is what it actually looks like to sit with discomfort instead of running from it… to stop rehearsing conversations… and to show up open, present, and willing to feel.
In this episode, we talk about:
💭 Why anxious attachment is actually a form of avoiding your own feelings
🧠 The hidden ways you rehearse, control, and overthink to avoid discomfort
❤️ Why most people skip the exact steps that create real intimacy
🪞 The connection between childhood attachment wounds and adult relationship triggers
🌱 The three things I did differently that created healing instead of more anxiety
✨ How facing your triggers (not avoiding them) is where real connection happens
If you’re the strong one…
The high-achiever…
The one who can handle everything, except the moment your relationship feels uncertain…
You are not broken.
You’re patterned.
And patterns can change.
This episode will help you understand why your triggers feel so intense and how to move toward connection instead of fear.
Because healing anxious attachment isn’t about controlling the outcome…
It’s about showing up open, even when it feels terrifying.
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

You’re Self Aware So Why Are You Still Triggered?

You’ve done the work. Read the books. Listened to the podcasts. Saved the reels. You know your triggers… and yet somehow, you’re still getting activated. 😅 So what gives?
In this episode, we’re talking about the frustrating gap between knowing better and feeling better... and why self-awareness alone doesn’t stop emotional triggers or anxious attachment patterns.
Because if you’re honest, sometimes you can literally watch yourself get triggered in real time and still feel completely hijacked by your emotions.
In this episode, we're breaking down:
💭 Why self-awareness doesn’t automatically stop your triggers
🧠 The difference between understanding your triggers and healing them
🪞 Why knowing your attachment style isn’t enough to change your reactions
🔥 What’s actually happening in your body when you feel triggered
❤️ Why you still feel reactive even when you “know better”
🌱 The real work that helps you move from triggered → secure
✨ If you’re a high-achieving, emotionally intelligent woman who can explain attachment theory like a TED Talk… but still spirals after one weird text… this episode is going to hit home.
🫶 Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or trying to trust a GOOD partner without overreacting, this conversation will help you understand why your triggers still show up and what healing actually looks like beyond self-awareness.
Because awareness is the first step… But it’s not the last one 💖
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

What To Do When You Start Spiraling in Your Relationship

If you’ve ever caught yourself rereading texts, overanalyzing tone, imagining worst-case scenarios, or feeling your chest tighten because something feels off... this episode is for you.
In this episode we’re talking about what to actually do in the moment when you start spiraling in your relationship.
Because spiraling in relationships doesn’t mean you’re dramatic, needy, or broken. Most of the time, it means your nervous system is trying to protect you (yes,  even when nothing is technically wrong!)
And if you’re an extremely capable high-achieving girlie who is successful in her career… but still find yourself overthinking your relationship, you are absolutely not alone.
This episode is all about:
- What a relationship spiral actually looks like in real life
- Why anxious attachment makes your brain jump to worst-case scenarios
- The early warning signs that you're starting to spiral
- Why overthinking feels productive — but keeps you stuck
- How to calm your nervous system in the moment
- What to do instead of texting, overexplaining, or seeking reassurance
- How to stop spiraling before it creates distance in your relationship
 
Because here’s the thing I want you to hear:
Spiraling isn’t the problem — staying stuck in the spiral is.
And there are things you can do to shift out of it.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why do I spiral when nothing is technically wrong?”
“Why can’t I stop overthinking my relationship?”
“Why do I feel anxious even when they say everything is fine?”
 
You’re going to feel soooo seen in this episode!
So take a breath, get cozy, and let's jump in!
---
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

Why Working Harder Isn’t Changing Your Anxious Attachment

Let’s talk about something that feels productive… but is actually keeping you stuck:
working harder in your relationship.
You know what I mean.
You’ve got the notes app open in bed.
You’re rewriting the text.
Replaying the conversation.
Journaling it out.
Trying to say it the right way so you don’t sound needy.
And it feels like you’re doing all the “right” things.
Like you’re being thoughtful, self-aware, emotionally intelligent.
But somehow… you still feel anxious.
Still overthinking.
Still stuck in the same loop.
In this episode, we’re getting honest about why working harder isn’t healing your anxious attachment — and why it might actually be making your relationship feel heavier, more stressful, and way less fun than it needs to be.
We talk about:
- The “I just need to figure this out” mindset in relationships
- Why overthinking, journaling, and rewriting texts can become over-functioning
- The cycle of feeling distance → working harder → over-explaining → temporary relief → repeat
- What it looks like to perform being secure vs. actually feeling secure
- Why high-achieving women struggle to relax in relationships
- How trying to “fix” the relationship pulls you out of actually experiencing it
 
Because here’s the truth:
 
You don’t need to work harder to be loved.
And love isn’t supposed to feel like a full-time job.
 
If anything, overworking the relationship is usually the thing that’s draining the connection, the spontaneity, and the ease you actually want.
 
I also share a personal moment from preparing for a big trip (and my partner meeting my dad) — and how easy it is to fall back into “I’ll just handle this myself” instead of letting someone support you.
 
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why can’t I just relax in my relationship?”
“Why do I feel like I’m doing so much and still not feeling secure?”
“Why does love feel harder than it should?”
 
This episode is for you.
 
Take a breath.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just using a strategy that works everywhere else… except here.
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

What Secure Love Actually Feels Like

Today’s episode is a really special one because I’m joined by my dear friend and former client, Alyssa, and we’re talking about something that so many women with anxious attachment quietly wonder:
What does secure love actually feel like?
Not the Instagram version.
Not the “perfect relationship” fantasy.
But what it feels like inside your body when the spiraling, the overthinking, and the constant mental gymnastics in your relationship finally start to settle.
Because when you’re deep in anxious attachment, it can feel incredibly defeating.
You’re reading the books.
Saving the posts.
Going to therapy.
Trying to say the right things.
 
And yet… you still feel stuck in the same patterns.
 
In this conversation, Alyssa shares what her relationship and inner world actually looked like before doing this work — including:
 
• Believing the real problem was “communication”
• Trying to word things perfectly so her partner would respond the right way
• Doing all the reading, therapy, and Instagram saving… but still feeling stuck
• The exhaustion of overthinking every conversation
• Why “knowing the information” didn’t actually change anything
 
We also talk about something I see constantly with high-achieving women:
being extremely self-aware… but still spiraling in relationships.
 
Alyssa shares honestly about what finally shifted for her and what secure love started to feel like when things began to change.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why do I keep overthinking even though I know better?”
“Why can’t I stop spiraling in my relationship?”
“Why do I feel so emotionally exhausted from love?”
This conversation will likely feel very familiar.
You’re not broken.
And you’re definitely not the only one who’s felt this way.
 
Welcome back to the Be That Healing Girl Podcast!
Today we’re talking about something I see constantly with my clients...and honestly something I know very well from my own life too: the overthinking spiral.
You know the one. You reread the texts. You rewrite the message three times before sending it. You rehearse the conversation in the shower, in the car, before bed… maybe 12 times.
You tell yourself you're just trying to be thoughtful or self-aware.
But your brain is basically running a full soap opera about a situation that hasn’t even happened yet.
And the worst part? Most of the time nothing is actually wrong, but your brain refuses to relax.
In this episode we talk about:
- The difference between overthinking and self-sabotage
- Why high-achieving, self-aware women get stuck in relationship rumination
- The “rewrite the text five times” pattern
- Why reassurance from your partner never actually sticks
- How overthinking is often just a really smart form of self-protection
- Why healing anxious attachment requires learning to sit in uncertainty
Because the truth is… when you're in that spiral, you're not really trying to solve a problem.
You're trying to get relief.
And your brain is convinced that if it just analyzes the situation one more time, you'll finally feel safe.
Spoiler: it doesn't work like that.
I also share a bit about what's been coming up for me personally as I prepare for a big family trip where I’ll be seeing my dad for the first time in 11 years - and how easy it is to slip into trying to say the “perfect thing” instead of just being present.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Am I overthinking this?”
“Am I self-sabotaging something good?”
“Why can’t my brain just chill?”
This episode is for you!
Take a breath.
You’re not crazy.
Your brain just learned a really intense way of trying to protect you.
And we’re going to talk about it.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

Are You Overthinking… Or Self-Sabotaging Your Relationship

Welcome back to the Be That Healing Girl Podcast!
Today we’re talking about something I see constantly with my clients...and honestly something I know very well from my own life too: the overthinking spiral.
You know the one. You reread the texts. You rewrite the message three times before sending it. You rehearse the conversation in the shower, in the car, before bed… maybe 12 times.
You tell yourself you're just trying to be thoughtful or self-aware.
But your brain is basically running a full soap opera about a situation that hasn’t even happened yet.
And the worst part? Most of the time nothing is actually wrong, but your brain refuses to relax.
In this episode we talk about:
- The difference between overthinking and self-sabotage
- Why high-achieving, self-aware women get stuck in relationship rumination
- The “rewrite the text five times” pattern
- Why reassurance from your partner never actually sticks
- How overthinking is often just a really smart form of self-protection
- Why healing anxious attachment requires learning to sit in uncertainty
Because the truth is… when you're in that spiral, you're not really trying to solve a problem.
You're trying to get relief.
And your brain is convinced that if it just analyzes the situation one more time, you'll finally feel safe.
Spoiler: it doesn't work like that.
I also share a bit about what's been coming up for me personally as I prepare for a big family trip where I’ll be seeing my dad for the first time in 11 years - and how easy it is to slip into trying to say the “perfect thing” instead of just being present.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Am I overthinking this?”
“Am I self-sabotaging something good?”
“Why can’t my brain just chill?”
This episode is for you!
Take a breath.
You’re not crazy.
Your brain just learned a really intense way of trying to protect you.
And we’re going to talk about it.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session