BeThatHealingGirl Podcast

How to stop getting anxiously triggered in your safe relationship

You know they’re a good partner.
They text back.
They show up.
They follow through.
 
And yet…
you’re still spiraling. 😅
 
You’re analyzing tone.
Second-guessing everything.
White-knuckling your way through a relationship that is actually safe.
 
And if you’ve ever thought:
“Why can’t I just relax when nothing is technically wrong?”
 
This episode is for you!
 
Because here’s the hard truth: sometimes the very thing you’re doing to not mess it up… is the thing quietly creating pressure in the relationship.
Yep. We’re going there.
In this episode, we talk about:
💭 Why you still feel anxious (even when your partner is consistent and safe)
🧠 The sneaky habit that actually makes anxious triggers worse
🔥 Why telling yourself “don’t worry” makes the spiral stronger
🪞 How trying to be the cool, chill girlfriend creates more tension (relatable, I know 😅)
❤️ Why you can’t think your way into feeling secure
🌱 How letting go of perfection opens the door to real connection
 
And yes — we talk about the classic anxious girl move:
trying SO hard to get it right… that you accidentally make it weird.
Been there. Done that. Bought the emotional support iced coffee.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session

3 Things I Did to Face My Biggest Relationship Trigger (That Most People Skip)

3 Things I Did to Face My Biggest Relationship Anxiety Triggers (That Most People Skip)
If you’ve ever felt terrified that they might leave…
If a delayed text ruins your whole day…
If you logically know it’s not that big of a deal, but emotionally you feel completely hijacked…
This episode is for you. 🫶
Because here’s the truth, being aware of your triggers doesn’t mean you know how to face them.
In this episode, I’m sharing something deeply personal, the three things I did to face one of my biggest attachment triggers: reconnecting with my dad after 11 years of no contact. And what I learned in that experience completely changed the way I understand anxious attachment and emotional healing.
This isn’t just theory.
This is what it actually looks like to sit with discomfort instead of running from it… to stop rehearsing conversations… and to show up open, present, and willing to feel.
In this episode, we talk about:
💭 Why anxious attachment is actually a form of avoiding your own feelings
🧠 The hidden ways you rehearse, control, and overthink to avoid discomfort
❤️ Why most people skip the exact steps that create real intimacy
🪞 The connection between childhood attachment wounds and adult relationship triggers
🌱 The three things I did differently that created healing instead of more anxiety
✨ How facing your triggers (not avoiding them) is where real connection happens
If you’re the strong one…
The high-achiever…
The one who can handle everything, except the moment your relationship feels uncertain…
You are not broken.
You’re patterned.
And patterns can change.
This episode will help you understand why your triggers feel so intense and how to move toward connection instead of fear.
Because healing anxious attachment isn’t about controlling the outcome…
It’s about showing up open, even when it feels terrifying.
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

You’re Self Aware So Why Are You Still Triggered?

You’ve done the work. Read the books. Listened to the podcasts. Saved the reels. You know your triggers… and yet somehow, you’re still getting activated. 😅 So what gives?
In this episode, we’re talking about the frustrating gap between knowing better and feeling better... and why self-awareness alone doesn’t stop emotional triggers or anxious attachment patterns.
Because if you’re honest, sometimes you can literally watch yourself get triggered in real time and still feel completely hijacked by your emotions.
In this episode, we're breaking down:
💭 Why self-awareness doesn’t automatically stop your triggers
🧠 The difference between understanding your triggers and healing them
🪞 Why knowing your attachment style isn’t enough to change your reactions
🔥 What’s actually happening in your body when you feel triggered
❤️ Why you still feel reactive even when you “know better”
🌱 The real work that helps you move from triggered → secure
✨ If you’re a high-achieving, emotionally intelligent woman who can explain attachment theory like a TED Talk… but still spirals after one weird text… this episode is going to hit home.
🫶 Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or trying to trust a GOOD partner without overreacting, this conversation will help you understand why your triggers still show up and what healing actually looks like beyond self-awareness.
Because awareness is the first step… But it’s not the last one 💖
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

What To Do When You Start Spiraling in Your Relationship

If you’ve ever caught yourself rereading texts, overanalyzing tone, imagining worst-case scenarios, or feeling your chest tighten because something feels off... this episode is for you.
In this episode we’re talking about what to actually do in the moment when you start spiraling in your relationship.
Because spiraling in relationships doesn’t mean you’re dramatic, needy, or broken. Most of the time, it means your nervous system is trying to protect you (yes,  even when nothing is technically wrong!)
And if you’re an extremely capable high-achieving girlie who is successful in her career… but still find yourself overthinking your relationship, you are absolutely not alone.
This episode is all about:
- What a relationship spiral actually looks like in real life
- Why anxious attachment makes your brain jump to worst-case scenarios
- The early warning signs that you're starting to spiral
- Why overthinking feels productive — but keeps you stuck
- How to calm your nervous system in the moment
- What to do instead of texting, overexplaining, or seeking reassurance
- How to stop spiraling before it creates distance in your relationship
 
Because here’s the thing I want you to hear:
Spiraling isn’t the problem — staying stuck in the spiral is.
And there are things you can do to shift out of it.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why do I spiral when nothing is technically wrong?”
“Why can’t I stop overthinking my relationship?”
“Why do I feel anxious even when they say everything is fine?”
 
You’re going to feel soooo seen in this episode!
So take a breath, get cozy, and let's jump in!
---
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

Why Working Harder Isn’t Changing Your Anxious Attachment

Let’s talk about something that feels productive… but is actually keeping you stuck:
working harder in your relationship.
You know what I mean.
You’ve got the notes app open in bed.
You’re rewriting the text.
Replaying the conversation.
Journaling it out.
Trying to say it the right way so you don’t sound needy.
And it feels like you’re doing all the “right” things.
Like you’re being thoughtful, self-aware, emotionally intelligent.
But somehow… you still feel anxious.
Still overthinking.
Still stuck in the same loop.
In this episode, we’re getting honest about why working harder isn’t healing your anxious attachment — and why it might actually be making your relationship feel heavier, more stressful, and way less fun than it needs to be.
We talk about:
- The “I just need to figure this out” mindset in relationships
- Why overthinking, journaling, and rewriting texts can become over-functioning
- The cycle of feeling distance → working harder → over-explaining → temporary relief → repeat
- What it looks like to perform being secure vs. actually feeling secure
- Why high-achieving women struggle to relax in relationships
- How trying to “fix” the relationship pulls you out of actually experiencing it
 
Because here’s the truth:
 
You don’t need to work harder to be loved.
And love isn’t supposed to feel like a full-time job.
 
If anything, overworking the relationship is usually the thing that’s draining the connection, the spontaneity, and the ease you actually want.
 
I also share a personal moment from preparing for a big trip (and my partner meeting my dad) — and how easy it is to fall back into “I’ll just handle this myself” instead of letting someone support you.
 
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why can’t I just relax in my relationship?”
“Why do I feel like I’m doing so much and still not feeling secure?”
“Why does love feel harder than it should?”
 
This episode is for you.
 
Take a breath.
You’re not doing it wrong.
You’re just using a strategy that works everywhere else… except here.
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

What Secure Love Actually Feels Like

Today’s episode is a really special one because I’m joined by my dear friend and former client, Alyssa, and we’re talking about something that so many women with anxious attachment quietly wonder:
What does secure love actually feel like?
Not the Instagram version.
Not the “perfect relationship” fantasy.
But what it feels like inside your body when the spiraling, the overthinking, and the constant mental gymnastics in your relationship finally start to settle.
Because when you’re deep in anxious attachment, it can feel incredibly defeating.
You’re reading the books.
Saving the posts.
Going to therapy.
Trying to say the right things.
 
And yet… you still feel stuck in the same patterns.
 
In this conversation, Alyssa shares what her relationship and inner world actually looked like before doing this work — including:
 
• Believing the real problem was “communication”
• Trying to word things perfectly so her partner would respond the right way
• Doing all the reading, therapy, and Instagram saving… but still feeling stuck
• The exhaustion of overthinking every conversation
• Why “knowing the information” didn’t actually change anything
 
We also talk about something I see constantly with high-achieving women:
being extremely self-aware… but still spiraling in relationships.
 
Alyssa shares honestly about what finally shifted for her and what secure love started to feel like when things began to change.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Why do I keep overthinking even though I know better?”
“Why can’t I stop spiraling in my relationship?”
“Why do I feel so emotionally exhausted from love?”
This conversation will likely feel very familiar.
You’re not broken.
And you’re definitely not the only one who’s felt this way.
 
Welcome back to the Be That Healing Girl Podcast!
Today we’re talking about something I see constantly with my clients...and honestly something I know very well from my own life too: the overthinking spiral.
You know the one. You reread the texts. You rewrite the message three times before sending it. You rehearse the conversation in the shower, in the car, before bed… maybe 12 times.
You tell yourself you're just trying to be thoughtful or self-aware.
But your brain is basically running a full soap opera about a situation that hasn’t even happened yet.
And the worst part? Most of the time nothing is actually wrong, but your brain refuses to relax.
In this episode we talk about:
- The difference between overthinking and self-sabotage
- Why high-achieving, self-aware women get stuck in relationship rumination
- The “rewrite the text five times” pattern
- Why reassurance from your partner never actually sticks
- How overthinking is often just a really smart form of self-protection
- Why healing anxious attachment requires learning to sit in uncertainty
Because the truth is… when you're in that spiral, you're not really trying to solve a problem.
You're trying to get relief.
And your brain is convinced that if it just analyzes the situation one more time, you'll finally feel safe.
Spoiler: it doesn't work like that.
I also share a bit about what's been coming up for me personally as I prepare for a big family trip where I’ll be seeing my dad for the first time in 11 years - and how easy it is to slip into trying to say the “perfect thing” instead of just being present.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Am I overthinking this?”
“Am I self-sabotaging something good?”
“Why can’t my brain just chill?”
This episode is for you!
Take a breath.
You’re not crazy.
Your brain just learned a really intense way of trying to protect you.
And we’re going to talk about it.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

Are You Overthinking… Or Self-Sabotaging Your Relationship

Welcome back to the Be That Healing Girl Podcast!
Today we’re talking about something I see constantly with my clients...and honestly something I know very well from my own life too: the overthinking spiral.
You know the one. You reread the texts. You rewrite the message three times before sending it. You rehearse the conversation in the shower, in the car, before bed… maybe 12 times.
You tell yourself you're just trying to be thoughtful or self-aware.
But your brain is basically running a full soap opera about a situation that hasn’t even happened yet.
And the worst part? Most of the time nothing is actually wrong, but your brain refuses to relax.
In this episode we talk about:
- The difference between overthinking and self-sabotage
- Why high-achieving, self-aware women get stuck in relationship rumination
- The “rewrite the text five times” pattern
- Why reassurance from your partner never actually sticks
- How overthinking is often just a really smart form of self-protection
- Why healing anxious attachment requires learning to sit in uncertainty
Because the truth is… when you're in that spiral, you're not really trying to solve a problem.
You're trying to get relief.
And your brain is convinced that if it just analyzes the situation one more time, you'll finally feel safe.
Spoiler: it doesn't work like that.
I also share a bit about what's been coming up for me personally as I prepare for a big family trip where I’ll be seeing my dad for the first time in 11 years - and how easy it is to slip into trying to say the “perfect thing” instead of just being present.
If you’ve ever thought:
“Am I overthinking this?”
“Am I self-sabotaging something good?”
“Why can’t my brain just chill?”
This episode is for you!
Take a breath.
You’re not crazy.
Your brain just learned a really intense way of trying to protect you.
And we’re going to talk about it.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

Why Being a High Achiever Makes Relationship Anxiety Worse

In this week’s episode of the Be That Healing Girl podcast, we’re getting real about one of the biggest patterns in anxious attachment: trying to “project manage” love instead of actually participating in partnership. If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing all the emotional labor… overthinking every interaction… or secretly wishing your partner would just know what you need without you having to say it — this episode is for you. Because here’s the truth: Love gets heavy when you treat your relationship like a project to optimize, fix, and control. Love gets easier when you treat it like a partnership.
In this episode, I break down:
Why healthy relationships require honest requests (not mind-reading)
The difference between partnership vs. parenting in love
How anxious attachment shows up as overworking, overthinking, and over-functioning
Why trying harder in relationships often backfires
How to stop managing the relationship and start participating in it
 
If you’re a high-achieving woman who’s confident in your career but anxious in your relationship… constantly trying to “get it right”… and exhausted from overthinking love — you’re in the right place.
This conversation will help you soften, get honest with yourself, and start relating from security instead of fear.
✨ Remember: love isn’t supposed to feel like a full-time job.
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session
 

Why Valentine's Day Didn't Feel As You Hoped

Why didn’t Valentine’s Day feel the way you hoped… even though your partner is actually a good person?
In this episode of the Be That Healing Girl Podcast, I’m breaking down the real reason you felt disappointed after Valentine’s Day, a weekend together, a date, or quality time — and why it triggered doubt, overthinking, and questioning the relationship.
This conversation is for high-achieving, self-aware women who know their partner is loving and consistent… but still spiral afterward wondering:“Are we a good fit?”“Am I asking for too much?”“Should I feel more excited than this?”
If you’ve ever replayed moments, searched for evidence of a lack of effort, or felt emotionally distant after something that was supposed to feel romantic — this episode will hit.
Because here’s the truth:Disappointment doesn’t always mean the relationship is wrong.Sometimes it reveals the pattern underneath anxious attachment, overthinking, and unmet expectations.
In this episode, we unpack:
Why Valentine’s Day, vacations, and “quality time” can trigger relationship anxiety
The expectation vs. reality trap that fuels overthinking
How internal comparison (social media, other couples) creates dissatisfaction
Why your brain searches for proof they “didn’t show up enough”
The difference between asking for too much vs. settling for too little
How anxious attachment and avoidant tendencies can both show up after closeness
Why you may be questioning the relationship instead of your internal narrative
The hidden pattern: confusing intensity for spark and chaos for love
I also share a personal behind-the-scenes moment from my own relationship with Craig — and how learning to release control and let myself be surprised changed our connection.
If you’re exhausted from spending mental energy spiraling about whether your partner is “the one,” this episode will help you zoom out, regulate, and reconnect.
You’re not broken.You’re not dramatic.You’re likely running a pattern that can be unlearned.
And that’s exactly what we work on here.
 
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session

When You’re Worried They Won’t Show Up For You on Valentines Day

Worried they won’t show up for you on Valentine’s Day? Spiraling about whether you’ll feel chosen, loved, or disappointed? This episode is for you. 💔
In this week’s podcast ep, we’re talking about relationship anxiety around Valentine’s Day... and why overthinking romance, surprises, and expectations can actually block the connection you want most.
If you’ve ever:
- Wondered if you should tell your partner what you want… or stay “chill”
- Felt scared to seem needy or high‑maintenance
- Lowered your expectations so you don’t get hurt
- Fantasized about being chosen without having to ask
- Kept score after holidays, gifts, or effort …this conversation will hit home.
I’m breaking down the anxious attachment patterns that get activated around Valentine’s Day, including the internal debate of “Do I say something or not?”, people‑pleasing tendencies, and how the pressure to be the “cool girl” creates distance in relationships.
We also talk about:
✨ Why overthinking ruins spontaneity and romance
✨ The truth about wanting to feel chosen in relationships
✨ How scorekeeping damages connection over time
✨ What you’re actually in control of (and what you’re not)
✨ How to lead yourself through uncertainty without spiraling
Because here’s the hard truth: you are NOT in control of whether your partner “gets it right” on Valentine’s Day… but you are in control of how you show up for yourself. If you struggle with anxious attachment, relationship anxiety, or overthinking a good partner — this episode will help you reset before the holiday and focus on what actually builds secure love.
💌 Ready for deeper support? Inside Healing Girl Gang, we practice the tools and reps that move you from anxious attachment → secure connection.
🔥Click here to grab the Relationship Glow-up Guide! 🔥 
💖JOIN THE HEALING GIRL GANG!💖
🔥CONFIDENCE CODE 💕
FOLLOW CLARE ON Instagram, TikTok or YouTube
WORK WITH ME: VIP 1:1 Session